When you tell someone what you’re going through, what do you actually want from them?

Do you want them to really see you to acknowledge your feelings, your presence, and perhaps the quiet weight you’re carrying?

Or do you want them to support you to take a piece of that weight off, like step in, do something practical?

It sounds like a small difference, but it isn’t.

And in my humble opinion, we throw those words around as if they’re interchangeable, seen and supported. But they’re not the same.

To be seen is to have your existence acknowledged. To be supported is to have your burdens shared.

One is about recognition.

The other is about action.

The challenge? We often crave both, but not always at the same time.

Being Seen

Being seen is subtle, quiet, almost invisible. It’s when someone remembers the small detail you didn’t think mattered. It’s the nod from a stranger who recognizes the chaos of your toddler’s meltdown in the frozen aisle. It’s the friend who lets you vent without jumping in with advice. Guilty as charged. It is the eye contact that simply says I get it.

Being seen doesn’t necessarily change your circumstances. But it changes you. It says: You’re not alone in this moment. I notice you. You matter enough to be named, remembered, witnessed. And sometimes that’s all we need. Not fixing, not saving, just presence.

Being Supported

Support takes it further. It gets its hands dirty. It is louder. It’s action, effort, energy, movement and commitment. It’s the ride to the airport at 5 a.m. It’s the ride to the doctor when you’re too anxious to go alone. It's the bill covered when you come up short. It’s the co-worker who covers your shift when life blindsides you. It’s the partner who does the dishes, not because you asked, but because they see and feel your exhaustion.

Support doesn’t just notice and acknowledge the load and struggle, it meets it and helps carry it. I like to think of support as the hand that lifts us when we're too tired to stand.

Where We Get Lost

We get lost when tension happens and this is where many relationships stumble. The tension happens when one person wants to be seen, and the other rushes in with support.

Or when someone longs for support, but only gets the nod of being seen or well-meaning words. "I hear you."

Both gestures and responses are kind. But mismatched, thereby missing the mark.

The Questions We Rarely Ask

Perhaps it's time we stopped guessing and assuming and think maybe, just maybe the solution is to simply ask.

• Do you want me to listen, or to help?

• Do you want presence, or partnership?

• Do you want to feel seen, or supported?

Trust me, i know It feels clunky to ask these things out loud. But imagine how many arguments, resentments, or silent disappointments could be avoided if we asked. Remember, clarity always beats confusion. Clarity is care.

A Thought to Leave You With

We all need both, but rarely at the same time. So the next time someone comes to you, or you go to them, pause. Ask the question. Clarify. Try not to assume. Because sometimes, just being asked the question is the support and the most supportive thing you can do.